Renewal Day Twenty Four
From An 84 Day Self Care Journey For Women In Their Middle Years
By Chonteau
Reflecting on my relationships and community connections.
Today was a beautiful time in my community and I’m accepting that everyone in my community is not for me to share my deepest intimate feelings and it’s nuanced.
My community is comprised of students, mentees, mentors, blood family, deep sisterhoods, friendships, colleagues, and casual friends. Dancing with the type of connections in my community is a never ending unwinding adventure and today I am with how I have changed and opened my heart with the connections in my life.
Some that were close, are no longer, some we talk casually and others not at all. Sometimes I think of how they are doing and still there is no desire to call. Others, I reach out, no matter how long it’s has been.
I am looking at what connections have deepened, who I have let in, why. The more I feel into what is true for me, without completely understanding, the more open I feel.
I am Trusting, if I open my heart, I will have a deeper connection… with myself. I don’t know if my open heart is going to create distance or closeness with others. I don’t know if I choose to not be as close to someone as I once was, if that will bring discomfort, anger, relief or even separation with in me and the other.
I am just willing to take the risks of connecting, disconnecting, feeling, waiting and watching. When it comes to connecting with others, I am willing to feel the hurt of disappointments and the joy of deepening. I remember not too long ago, I was not willing to do that. I remember when I was guarded, always protecting myself from hurt. No one really new me, because I only let them see what I wanted them to see. I only let them see just enough. It was me that suffered. I was the one missing out.
I’m also feeling into the rules that I had around the connections. Clients can’t be friends. Students aren’t privy to certain types of information. My training has always led me to keep distance with people that I work with. There was a starch line. I have watch that line relax but not with everyone. Hmmmmm……..
I’m just being with what feels true in the moment, knowing it all changes.
Some reflections from this journal entry around what’s going on in my community and what it’s reflecting back to me.
If you would like a copy of an 84 Day Self-Care Journey For Women In Their Middle Years go to soulcareu.com and order your copy.
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