Rise of the Sovereign High Priestess

nothing i do is for you; its all for the becoming

One Staff, Two Flames

One carries the staff to claim
One carries the staff to witness

One looks to the future
One is the future

One woman becoming
One woman embodied

One is not behind
One is not ahead

One dreams the path
One walks the path

Co-existing in sacred rhythm.            ~chonteau

I have heard for most of my life. "It's not about you"

In my social work training, "it's not about you"

In my spiritual training from most teachers, “it's not about you”

But there was one who stood out from all the rest. She was the one who planted the seed in me. "It's always about you, chonteau"

I didn't have to write it down. I didn't have to commit it to memory. I felt it in my bones and my tissues. She was the teacher who was completely unorthodox, she was batshit crazy and she was brilliant. She had not one apology for her entire fuckery of a life~not one.

When I was 27, raw and full of grand healer-ship dreams, she was everything I didn't want to be when I turned 35; but everything my soul said I would be.

I have been trying to get it right most of my life. Fighting against my own natural wildness, while leaning into my deepest knowing–”it is about me.”

No matter how many times I hear, “it's not about you”, I feel the illusion that lives in those words.

It is always about me and no longer will I be quiet about it, because it's not about you.

I said to a client today, thank you for the opportunity to see me, to heal another part of me and to bringing another part home, from her wanderings.

I told her, this thing, we do every time we meet, it's about me. I am glad she also benefits from our co-creation, however, I know I get what I need every time. I share my healing journeys and practices with her and my other clients, because it supports my devotion to a healing life.

I am simply not here for you. I didn't come to serve you. The energy I serve is not for the other, it is for my own becoming.

The unraveling I am doing, make no mistake, you are needed for me to repattern and to be the most sacred version of myself. That does not mean I am right. Relationships are required AND that still does not make it about the other.

I was away from social media for a minute. The noise was loud, the illusions started feeling real. I forgot the deep seed of truth that lives in me, “it's always about me.”

Everything that wants to be shared, it's not about what I think you need to hear. It's not about what's important in the world to talk about. It's about my own healing, my return to what is sacred for me. (this is a big shift)

If others benefit from my devotion to a healing life, if something shifts, or your sacred memory is activated… great for you.

Truly, that's not why I shared it and there’s no need for me to keep pretending that I am actually doing something heroic, selfless, being a good neighbor. I am focused on getting to the next day loving and trusting myself with one less thing to carry.

As I enter the third and final phase of my life, let me take myself off that pedestal. Let me stop worrying about getting it right and looking right.

Let me just show up fully, opening in my life and see what happens when I wake up with one less thing.

I don’t know what’s going on with the other women in The First Gate of Shaia, 45 Days of Feminine Remembrance, but damn she is working me.

Enter into our temple anytime over the next 45 days and see what shows up for you.